Hillary Clinton went in for her yearly checkup. When she was finished, she asked her gynecologist how things looked.

He said he was pleased and that she is in great shape but that she was pregnant!

She told the doctor there was no way, but he said that she most definitely was a month pregnant. Well, she stormed out of the office and went to the receptionist and took the phone and called the White house. When the operator answered she said that it was Hillary and that she wanted to talk to Bill right away.

Well, they rang the oval office and Bill answered. Hillary said, "Do you know what you did you rotten bastard? You got me pregnant!"

The president remained silent.

Again, Hillary screamed, "DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID, YOU ROTTEN BASTARD? YOU GOT ME PREGNANT!"

Bill finally answered, "Who is this?"

Chelsea's Engagement

One Sunday morning, Chelsea burst into the living quarters at the White House and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the greatest hunk in Washington. He lives in Georgetown and his name is Matt."

After dinner, the President took Chelsea aside. "Honey, I have to talk with you. Your Mother and I have been married a long time. She's a wonderful wife but she's never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I have fooled around with other women a lot. Matt is actually your half-brother, and I'm afraid you can't marry him."

Chelsea was heartbroken, but after eight months she eventually started dating again. A year later she came home and very proudly announced, "Robert asked me to marry him! We're getting married in June."

Again her father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Robert is your half-brother too, Honey. I'm awfully sorry about this."

Chelsea was furious! She finally decided to go to her Mother and tell her.

"Dad has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married," she complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the guy is my half-brother."

Hillary just shook her head. Don't pay any attention to what he says dear. He's not really your father."

Quick Laffs

President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval office to see one of his aides nervously approach him: "What is it?" he asks. "It's this Abortion Bill, Mr. President. What do you want to do about it?" the aide stammers. President Clinton thinks for a moment, then says: "Heck, just go ahead and pay it."

Dan Quayle, Newt Gingrich, and Bill Clinton are traveling in a car together in the midwest. A tornado comes along and whirls them up into the air and tosses them thousands of yards away. When they come to and extract themselves from the vehicle, they realize they're in the Land of Oz. They decide to go see the Wizard of Oz. Quayle says, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a brain!" Gingrich says, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a heart!" Clinton says, "Where's Dorothy?"